Every since I can remember I have been afraid of the D word.  Don’t ask me why or how it started because I do not know. Maybe it was the show I watched of the cat jumping on someone and suffocating them or the brain being pulled out with a bent hanger and thrown in the fruit bowl.  Maybe it was the only child syndrome. 

What I do know is any family members death does a toll on me even at 33. Last night we lost a cousin but to me she was much more than that. More like a Granny since most of her grandkids were around my age or 10 yrs younger.  

We knew it was coming but that does not make it easier.  After ten months her battle with cancer ended.  No more stress and fighting for her.  No more what if and waiting.  

The truth is I think she held the family together more than anyone will ever know.  She is what kept what little contact we had left with that side alive.  Anytime we lose a family ember no matter what side it is said that we need to get together more.  However do we? No! NEVER!  I HATE IT.  Why say it to be nice if you really are not going to. 

I try inviting family to a lot of parties and Events but rarely does anyone show.  I used to joke that it depended on what we were eating. My family likes to eat and more so when it is free.

I think we all have a lot of love but I am running out of family that would do anything for me. My parents always said I worry about me and no one else.  Maybe that’s what turned me into a worrier.  I worry about it all.  

So farewell sweet friend. I loved you more than I probably told you and I hope you know. I will always love and miss you greatly.